Broken.Crucified.Tried.Striving.Pressing.

I am so broken.

Matthew 21:44 And whosoever shall fall on this Stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

When I KNEW the Lord had saved me, that I was born again, He gave me great faith to believe on His Word, EVERY Word even the "tough" stuff. He gave me peace and joy unspeakable. He gave me GRACE to obey Him with joy in so many areas! Every time the Lord would do a great work, as I obeyed Him the enemy would come and bring in doubt, a cloud over my head but as I sung hymns and prayed, clinging to Him though I could not see Him, He cleared that away and brought great peace and filled me with His Spirit inhabiting my praises and prayers in power. As I obeyed Him and His commands He gave me a vision of His Cross with another cross next to him, that I may know I have been crucified with Him and NEVERTHELESS I LIVE! That if He was crucified, I was crucified. If He was risen, I have been risen. If He is seated at the right hand of God I have been also seated in heavenly places because now I was in Him.

Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Ephesians 2:6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:

This means that when I pray unto the Father it is Jesus whom He hears, who He sees, because He is in me! So I can speak with my Father as Jesus did. I am in the process of studying throughout the Gospels Jesus' relationship with His Father, always in submission to, always going away and praying to the Lord. This is what I have with the Father!! Because of the precious blood of Christ! Imagine if God would give me the faith to completely KNOW this truth in the fullness!!?? I know that I am crucified with Christ, I am dead to myself, and alive to Him. But to believe that anything I ask in His name because I am in Him, follow His commandments, walking in His ways, abiding, remaining in Him, He will give.

John 16:26 At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:
John 16:27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

If only we who are born again would reckon that true, that our prayers are Him praying to the Father. How could we on our own have prayers in the first place, we are wicked and evil, there is no good that dwells in us. Of course it is Him! And anything, if we are in Him abiding in Him, with the Fathers glory as our purpose, that we ask He will give. We need to ask God for faith, faith to just simply BELIEVE His Word. Then we will see victory, truth, to know that we are in Him and anything we ask in His name He will do because if we are abiding in Him it will be Him asking, not ourselves, but Him, for the Father's glory. Faith comes by hearing hearing the Word of God, faith comes from the Father of lights, ask Him for it, He will give it because it is according to His will.

The Lord has given me much much more faith. I praise His name because it is Him alone who is Good and Wonderful and Faithful.

The Lord is faithful to fill me with His Spirit, to fill me with joy and quicken Scripture to me. But there are other times, like now, where He is trying my faith, where He is testing my heart to see, will you press on, will you remain steadfast hoping in My Word even though I am not shooting out fireworks into your heart? Will you press on?

Jeremiah 20:12 But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, and seest the reins and the heart, let me see thy vengeance on them: for unto thee have I opened my cause.

1Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

Philippians 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Right now it seems it is hard to pray honestly, but He allows me to press on in His goodness. But upon reading this verse, this comforts me in knowing Paul says STRIVE IN YOUR PRAYERS TO GOD! That praying is not easy all of the time, yes there are times where God gives extra grace to carry you through and praying just flows out of your because of His Spirit, but right now it is like Paul says, necessary to STRIVE in prayers to HIM!! How comforting!! this makes me want to press on all the more!!

Romans 15:30 Now I beseech you, brethren, for the Lord Jesus Christ's sake, and for the love of the Spirit, that ye strive[struggle,fight,agonize] together with me in your prayers to God for me;

He does give us our daily manna, He promised to. But there are seasons. This is what He is trying our hearts for, to see, will we take Him at His Word??!! Will we know that if we wait upon Him He will come and bring out meat in due season? Will we believe when He says He will revive us and restore our joy waiting upon Him, seeking Him?

Psalm 104:27 These wait all upon thee; that thou mayest give them their meat in due season.

Psalm 145:15 The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

Psalm 51:12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.