From My Journal 2-7-11
God, all those years of reading & seeing You speaking to me & praying to you. I still knew there had to be more, that I didn't really know you know you. But I didn't know any different. How could I for so long read your Word, and not be saved, for those five years after high school? But I know I wasn't. I was listening to men assure me of my salvation.
So why did He even speak to me in His word? Does He speak to unbelievers? Yes, I believe He does, those who are seeking Him He does speak to. Either this is true or all through the gospels He wouldn't have spoken to anyone til they were saved. Also the Lord speaks to men in the Old Testament, gives them commands and direction, before they are saved. In the Gospels He speaks to multitudes, He speaks to men before they become His disciples, He speaks to the lost to save them, before they are saved. In the same way now He still speaks to unbelievers, showing them who He is, especially if they are seeking Him.
"No man can come to Me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the prophets, and THEY SHALL BE ALL TAUGHT OF GOD, EVERY MAN THEREFORE THAT HATH HEAR, AND HATH LEARNED OF THE FATHER, come unto me." (John 6:44-45)
The traditions of men tell me, "say the prayer, believe". "Is that stop sign red?" Yes. "Do you believe Jesus is your Savior?" Yes. "Okay, you are saved!" It's men declaring your soul right with God because of a cognitive decision. Ever learning the truth about God, God was giving me knowledge about who He is, He was letting me learn about Him. All the while I was taking man's word that this is what salvation looks like. When you cry out to the Lord the first time, or you say a prayer, you are saved. (Of course this can happen that way! It could be the Lord has worked so mightily, breaking and softening the heart of someone, and then they listen to a sermon and the Lord comes over them and they are born again). But you cannot declare someone saved because you saw them cry out to God once. It's not even biblical! Reading all the parables, these blind men, these bleeding women cry out, cry out, cry out. Jesus ignores some at first, but they still cry out! While others try to silence them, and they cry out until He comes to heal them, give them sight! Or He declares, your sins are forgiven. But it is God who gives this faith to believe and He gives new life, it is not a cognitive decision, seek ye the Lord!, He says.
This whole time though, I was seeking God and yes He quickened things to me in His Word just to be faithful to His own Name. But I wasn't saved. The whole time I had never experienced a peace surpassing all understanding like the bible says will happen in a believer! There is a long list of things that were part of being a born again believer were not real to me, they were not true to me in my life. They were written in the Scriptures, but I knew they were not true of my life. We have to let the Word examine us, to know if we are in the faith. Christianity is the same today as it was then.
All I had was a form of godliness, but it was the very loose form but I had not the power behind the godliness. But men pronounced me saved. Which also is not biblical to assure someone else of their salvation. Men can confirm what they have seen the Lord confirm, but they cannot give assurance to someone who doesn't think they are saved, this is not biblical.
As men were convincing me I was saved, instead of turning me to seek the Living God for this assurance, I remained unsaved. I had many idols, that now that the Lord has given me new life I can see. One idol was body image(this is idolatry and covetous), another gluttony(this is the lust of the flesh, totally opposite of self control), another sexual immorality(just because it is not sex does not mean it is not sexual immoral). To the world's standards I was very "upright" but by biblical standards I was extremely immoral, evil and wicked. I desired glory for my own self, instead of desiring the glory of God. All these sins I didn't recognize as sin! But they were so plainly sin. I was so blind, I walked in darkness but thought that, I see!
"Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth." (John 9:41)
This was me! I would have never thought that I was saved in the first place if men had not told me, "you are saved!", and because of this I was receiving false confirmation and did not strive to enter in at the strait gate. If it weren't for false assurance, I would have just continued seeking the Lord, but more fervently because I would not have thought I was okay. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's the best I can explain the clarity I am given, clearly I was not saved seven years ago when I said a prayer, when outwardly I cleaned up. I won't go into the details about the sins I was continuing in that if I was saved I wouldn't have been able to continue in. They would have been those things I repented of to come to Him and seek salvation, not remain blind to them. But I don't want to speak of those things, I want to instead go into what else the Lord is showing me. Oh praise the Lord Jesus Christ who has delivered me from this body of death!!
To continue, one other thing revealed to me...
"Because, even because they have seduced my people, saying, Peace; and there was no peace; and one built up a wall, and, lo, others daubed it with untempered morter:
Say unto them which daub it with untempered morter, that it shall fall: there shall be an overflowing shower; and ye, O great hailstones, shall fall; and a stormy wind shall rend it.
Lo, when the wall is fallen, shall it not be said unto you, Where is the daubing wherewith ye have daubed it?
Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; I will even rend it with a stormy wind in my fury; and there shall be an overflowing shower in mine anger, and great hailstones in my fury to consume it." (Ezekiel 13:10-13)
"So will I break down the wall that ye have daubed with untempered morter, and bring it down to the ground, so that the foundation thereof shall be discovered, and it shall fall, and ye shall be consumed in the midst thereof: and ye shall know that I am the LORD." (Ezekiel 13:14)
"And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes, and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to hunt souls! Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you?
And will ye pollute me among my people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, to slay the souls that should not die, and to save the souls alive that should not live, by your lying to my people that hear your lies?"(Ezekiel 13:18 and 19)
"Your kerchiefs also will I tear, and deliver my people out of your hand, and they shall be no more in your hand to be hunted; and ye shall know that I am the LORD.
Because with lies ye have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life:
Therefore ye shall see no more vanity, nor divine divinations: for I will deliver my people out of your hand: and ye shall know that I am the LORD."(Ezekiel 13:21-23)
Men assure, peace, peace when the soul is troubled. These men thought they could build walls of assurance. They built up walls and daubed it with untempered morter. Just like the two blind men the multitudes say keep your peace, be quiet, don't cry alound to the Savior, you are fine!
Men's assurance, these walls, shall fall and they did every few weeks. I would start to be broken over sin and know I am not changed, and go into depression, my walls would fall. Confusion would come in because everyone told me, this is what salvation looks like! I must be, I thought. Then I would call someone because I was so confused, if I was saved why do I have so much unbelief and why does it feel like God is telling me I am not saved! So talking to whoever I called that time of depression, trying to find clarity someone would build up those walls again of peace, when there was none, build them again with morter that was not tempered!
Men think it's bad if your walls crumble, if you're broken and seeking God. Don't do that, just know you are saved! The flesh tells one another, oh don't be sad, don't break, here, let me build you up! Instead of letting that brokenness take it's full effect and trust God to do the assuring, the saving, the confirming!
The Lord sends the storm to show you the foundation you've laid will fail you. The Lord is indignant, He is angry, His fury comes against the wisdom of men, the false prophets speaking peace. The Lord tests their walls because He knows what they are made of when the men being deceived don't see it until the storm comes. If only we would be humbled to recognize and not believe men, but believe Him, go to Him that can save men's souls and not give a false peace of this world.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)
But we can keep allowing men to build the pitiful wall of "assurance" or we can let God destroy them in the storm He sends, and let God work. The Lord has to bring us down to the ground. This illustration here in Ezekiel is given to us as an account of history, as well as a picture for us to learn from, as well as of course it is God's Word, all is profitable and God breathed. This picture though, is exactly what I was going through, it is describes the system of the church building today. I can see it, by the grace of God, clealy now, the Lord's been merciful to reveal to me as I seek Him on this.
So once the walls are destroyed by the faithful God, desiring truth, the foundations are discovered. It's temporal and false assurance, once destroyed one is free to see the truth. He does it to reveal truth. He desires truth in our inward parts!
When the walls fall, only then can we know that He is the LORD! For this reason HE will bring His wrath. These people slay the souls that should not die, save souls alive that should not live. Justifying the wicked, calling evil good. While calling good evil, when these are the souls the Lord doesn't desire to perish.
The Lord will rescue His people, that they may be brought out...
"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you," (2 Corinthians 6:17) ...That they might see. He takes vengeance on those who have tried to destroy those He's come to save. He saves them out of the system, out of traditions of men, assurance of man! He saved me out the traditions of men. No longer heeding the assurance and reality from men. Now I have reality with God.
"Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."(Isaiah 55:6-8)
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